Taking Inventory

It's that time of year again. Time to take inventory. As the year winds down, people focus individually and corporately on their stock. How much, how little, what do we need to get, what do we need to lose, what do we wish to resolve, change, add, get rid of. 2012. To borrow from Dickens, "It was the best of times, it was the worst of times." To begin the year, the most amazing event happened to us in 25 years. At 3:31 a.m. on January 18, the most beautiful and amazing little girl came into this world. She was absolutely perfect.My granddaughter. She had perfect skin, dark hair and big eyes. She was so sweet and wonderful. We were so blessed to meet her as she entered the world. We have been so blessed to get to see her frequently and visit her, and have her visit us. My granddaughter, the best thing of 2012. Another exciting event was the engagement of our second born daughter in the fall of 2012. Any engagement is exciting, and this one was no exception. It opens a whole new chapter in our daughters' life as she began a new job in a new place with a new man at her side. We were all able to spend holidays together, take a vacation together and take many happy photos together. Spending time together as a family, it was the best of times. Seven months into the year without any hint or warning, I was let go of my job at a church after serving 19 years. I not only lost my earning, but I lost my joy at working side by side with my husband. I lost my church family. I lost it due to the corruption of some men. I could tell you many corrupt and unethical things about these people, but it is enough to know my heavenly Father sees it all, and remembers it all. So, after five months of job hunting to no avail, it is time for me to take inventory. What do I have? I have hope. Hope is a powerful tool. Every day that I wake up, there are new opportunities and possibilities. Every time I see my family, I feel hope. Every time I utter a prayer, it is uttered with hope. I have family. My husband, daughters, sisters, sisters-in-law, sons-in-law, and of course, beautiful granddaughter give me hope that something strong and wonderful exists in this world. I have friends. Friends who write me, call me, send me cards, emails, texts and words of encouragement. Some bring gifts, some invite me to events. I am always amazed and touched at the kindness of (some) people. I don't feel cut off or abandoned because of the words of these friends that lift me up, encourage and inspire me. I have love. With every heartbeat, and I think maybe even after that, I have a strong, passionate love that no one can take away. When I take inventory of all that I have gained and all that I have lost, I know that I have things no one can ever take away from me. Many things perish but love never fails. I hope the coming year holds great promise for you, as it does for all of us.

Post Traumatic Stress

I've had a few situations in life that have been mildly traumatic. At the time, you just get through it and don't let your mind 'go there'. I am sort of feeling that right now. This weekend there were about 112 tornadoes that went through the middle of the United States. The weather people warned us the day before. Facebook was all about the weather and that is all anyone could talk about. So it wasn't a surprise on Saturday when the sky turned first white, then green, then black. My husband and I were the only ones at home. We kept texting our three grown children to make sure they were all safe. Then sirens started sounding, not once, not twice, but three times. We went to our basement and my husband took a short catnap on the sofa. So, ok, so far, everything was good. At church the next day we were saddened to learn of much material damage that several friends and acquaintances had sustained, and we rejoiced and thanked God that no one we knew had been seriously injured. Then reports started coming on the news that the people of Woodward, Oklahoma had not been so fortunate. We heard about the Oaklawn area of Wichita and were saddened by the severe loss so many had sustained. But the real 'trauma' for me has come in the days since all that news. People who have studied the massive tornado-an EF4, three quarters of a mile wide-say that it was due to hit our town Due to hit it head on, in fact. At the last second, it moved a tiny bit east, and instead of going right through our town, it went into unpopulated areas. This is huge to me. What made it move? Why did it go the smallest angle to the east? Was God in this situation? Did the God of all creation spare us and change its path? Why were we spared and other places weren't? Someone told us the tornado was headed right down the interstate, but instead of continuing down that course, it "jumped" across to where there were no people. This is quite fascinating to me. I haven't really researched into this weather phenomenon....but I don't have to. I am a person of faith, and I know exactly what caused it to change course. I lay awake at 3:52 a.m. this morning thinking about if it had stayed on path, when we came out of the basement on Saturday, how our lives..and town...would have been changed. Our church is just completing a second building that will serve as a gym and activity center for youth. It's not quite finished, or paid for completely, but we could have lost it before we even had it. I know the people of our town would have pulled together and cleaned up and tried to help each other. I am just glad we didn't have to be put to that test-this time. I thank God that He diverted this monstrous storm just enough to spare many lives, and I continue to pray for and look for ways to help those who were impacted by it.

Sympathy

As when any talented celebrity dies, there is tons of press surrounding the death of Whitney Houston. Today the funeral was on no less than 5 of my channels. Everybody comes out when there is a celebrity death: the relatives, even the ones most distantly related, the friends, the clergy and of course, the news stations, who have scrambled to pull files, sound bytes, photo, videos, rap sheets...anything they can get their hands on. They prattle endlessly, like they knew and cared about this person. When I began watching today, a minister got up to speak, and he was talking about how long or short his sermon would be, depending on audience participation. One got the feeling he was "warming up the crowd." He started telling some jokes, and the audience clearly enjoyed what he was saying. There were smiles, snickers and outright laughter. But do you know what I noticed? Two faces, sitting right behind him. The faces of Whitney's mother, and her daughter. These faces were not smiling or laughing. These faces were clearly in pain. These faces reflected sadness, grief and loss. I got the feeling the little daughter would rather not have all these glaring eyes upon her.My heart and sympathy goes out to the people who genuinely loved Whitney and are grieving, especially her young daughter. I hope she can appreciate the legacy that her mother left the world.

Happy Love

Today is February 1st, the month of love. I have been thinking about love lately and how people show it.As a person of faith, I know I have to forgive much because I have been forgiven much. Where do you draw the line though when how you are treated is not okay with you? Is it possible to remove yourself from a situation without animosity and bitterness? I am in the midst of a hurtful situation. Things were written to me that were ridiculous and untrue.I was blamed for out and out lies. I have to believe the people committing these acts thought they were doing the right thing, even though if they had taken over 2 minutes to think through their actions, I think they would have realized how unnceccesary it was..These are people I thought were friends and I trusted. While I don't feel animosity toward them, my love for them is gone. I do not feel they had my best interests at heart. Now occasionally I hear a message on 'not being sensitive'. Is it sensitive to feel excluded? Is it sensitive to be accused of falsehoods? I don't know. I only know my personality doesn't want to open myself up to them anymore. We are taught to weep with those who weep and rejoice with those who rejoice. I have people in my life who I have been there for them when they wept, trying to comfort and care for them Yet when I wept, they were nowhere around. I have rejoiced with them when good things came their way, yet when I rejoiced, nothing. It has taken me a long time to realize the words these people say do not match up with their actions. Someone cheated me out of a substantial amount of money. I don't think I could do that to someone. I am learning I have to cut these unhealthy relationships out of my life. I read something today that talked about focusing on the beauty in your life. That is where I am.I can let someone else be the judge for these people, I just want to focus on the beauty and love that I have in my life. I wish you lots of love in your life.